DOROTA SAWICKA

Once there were people…

Short stories of people

With mental disorders

© Copyright by Dorota Sawicka

Cover Design: canva.com

ISBN e-book: 978-83-974067-0-4

All rights reserved.

Copying or distributing parts or the entirety without the publisher's consent is prohibited.

First Edition 2024

INTRODUCTION

The human psyche is both majestic and fragile. Throughout our lives, we encounter countless emotions, experiences, and challenges that shape us as individuals. However, for many people, daily life is inextricably linked with the struggle against mental disorders, which, although experienced by millions, often remain in the shadows, surrounded by stigma and ignorance.

This book is a collection of candid stories from people who have faced their own demons. Within each of these stories lie not only pain and suffering but also determination, hope, and an extraordinary capacity for survival. The protagonists of our stories share their personal struggles, moments of weakness, and triumphs, demonstrating that living with a mental disorder is not definitive, and the strength to overcome it often resides within ourselves and our relationships with others.

The aim of this book is not only to present challenging experiences that may seem unfamiliar but, above all, to build a bridge toward understanding. Through these stories, we aim to reveal the human face of mental disorders and showcase human nature that transcends the boundaries of illness. We hope that through them, we will discover the common traits that connect us all—empathy, gratitude, and the desire for acceptance.

I invite you on a shared journey to learn not only about the stories of others but also, perhaps, to better understand yourself. Let us open our minds and hearts to receive these stories with open attention and respect. Let us try to build a world where everyone can be heard and understood, regardless of their struggles.

May this book become a small step toward greater hope and understanding.

DEAR DIARY…

(EATING DISORDER)

I always thought I was in control of my life. Every meal, every calorie—everything was under strict control. But one day, I realized that it wasn't me controlling the food—it was controlling me. Initially, this control gave me a sense of strength, but then it turned into an obsession. Every glance in the mirror became a validation of my worth, and the scale was my judge. This judge was relentless. With each passing day, it demanded more and more from me, and instead of rebelling, I surrendered to its verdict. Obsessive calorie counting, constant exercise, and continuous denial of food. My own weight became my prison, one from which I couldn't escape. But deep inside, I knew this wasn't the path to happiness.

I tried to seek help, but shame and fear were stronger. It was only when my strength began to leave my body and my mind cried out for help that I realized I couldn't live like this any longer. I found the courage to share my struggle with those close to me. Their support became a ray of light in the darkness that surrounded me. This book is the record of my journey through the darkness of eating disorders toward the light of health and self-acceptance. Every day was a battle, a battle with my own demons that whispered I wasn't good enough, that I had to be thinner, better, more perfect. Eventually, I understood that my thoughts were like the sounds of a broken radio, constantly playing the same harmful melody. So, I began to seek a therapist who could help me change the station.

Therapy was not easy. Every session was another struggle with my inner critic, but gradually I began to learn new, healthy habits. I learned that food is not the enemy and that my body is not an object that I must constantly shape. I also realized that my own image in the mirror doesn't have to be defined by numbers on a scale or calories on a plate. I began to see myself as a whole—a complex, yet beautiful mosaic of experiences, emotions, and abilities.

With the help of my therapist, I learned to listen to my body, recognize its needs, and give it what it requires without guilt or shame. Every day, my determination grew, and my fear diminished. I began to experiment with food, discovering that it could be a source of joy, not just obsession. I felt relief when I realized I could eat to live, not live to eat. The adventure with food became a journey of discovering new flavors and sensations instead of constant calculation and denial. Instead of filling the emptiness in my heart with restrictions, I began to fill it with love for myself and acceptance of my emotions. I learned that my hunger is not only a physiological need but often a hunger for feelings, contact, and self-expression.

Every page of this diary testifies to my metamorphosis. This transformation was not an overnight miracle. It was a painstaking process where every small step was important. Writing became my therapy, a way to express what was swirling inside me. Revealing words that once went unheard became a way for me to rebuild the bridge between my mind and body. I understood that every thought and every feeling have its place in my story—even the darkest ones.

Sharing my story became an act of courage. I discovered that I am not alone, that many people struggle with similar challenges. With every conversation, with every shared experience, I felt more connected to people, more human. I realized that in our vulnerability lies the strength that allows us to become more empathetic and compassionate.

This book is also an expression of gratitude to those who stood by me when I was fighting my demons alone. To family, friends, therapists, and to every person who, even for a moment, became part of my journey. In their presence, I found the safety and understanding that were the foundation of my transformation. Writing these words, I hope they will become a support for those who are still struggling. I want them to know that the path to health is possible, though bumpy and requiring many battles.

My experiences show that it is possible to regain control over one’s life and enjoy it fully, with respect for one’s own body and mind. Each chapter of this diary is another stage of my struggle, but also proof that change is possible. Eating disorders do not define me or my future. They were a teacher that gave me a hard lesson about the value of health, acceptance, and self-love. They taught me humility, patience, and perseverance, helping me understand that life does not have to be an eternal struggle for perfection, but can be full of understanding and compassion for oneself.

You are ready for a new chapter. Let these words be a guide for anyone who feels lost in the thicket of their own expectations and social standards. May everyone who picks up this diary find in it the strength to begin their own journey toward health and self-understanding. Regardless of where you are, remember that every step, even the smallest one, brings you closer to your goal. This is not a story about illness. It’s a tale of awakening, of finding within oneself the power to oppose what once seemed insurmountable. It’s a reminder that each of us has the right to live without fear of food and our own reflection in the mirror.

My journey was not easy. There were moments of doubt and pain when it seemed the darkness would never give way to the light. But with every day, every meal, and every look in the mirror that didn’t end in tears, I was building my new world. In this new world, there is no room for self-judgment or merciless comparisons. There is room for understanding that health does not have one universal size, that beauty and worth are not measured by body mass. There is room to learn that sometimes the greatest courage is allowing oneself to be vulnerable and genuine.

In a sense, my eating disorders taught me how to be more human—how to appreciate moments of weakness and draw strength from them. They showed me how important it is to surround myself with people who understand and support me, how crucial it is to find a balance between self-discipline and self-compassion. When I look back now, I see that every obstacle that appeared on my path was a step forward in my journey toward a better self. Every moment of weakness was a moment of gathering strength to stand up stronger. I want this diary to be a reminder that each of us is the hero of our own story. We don’t have to be unyielding and invincible to be strong. Our strength lies in our ability to change, to forgive ourselves, and to love ourselves as we are.

Let this diary also be a testament that healing is a process that requires time, patience, and determination. There is no one-size-fits-all recipe for overcoming eating disorders, but there are many paths that can lead to health and harmony. In these chapters, I want to share with you not only the pain and struggle but also the joy and hope that began to fill my days over time. I want to show that even in the deepest darkness, one can find a spark of light, and that everyone has within them the strength to let it shine.

My journey doesn’t end on the last page of this diary. It’s a continuous process of learning how to live in harmony with myself and my needs. Every day, I learn something new about myself, about my limitations and possibilities. I also learn how important it is to share my experiences and build a community that supports and inspires. In this final note, I want to convey something that may be a support for anyone still fighting. Remember that you are not alone, that your struggles matter, and that you deserve health and happiness. Believe that you can find your way, and that this book can be one of the stops on your map to a better life.

My life is no longer a constant pursuit of unrealistic ideals but a celebration of every moment, smile, success, and even failure, because all this forms my story. I want this diary to be for you a mirror of hope that always lies within us, regardless of everything. Let this story also serve as a guide along the paths of self-acceptance and understanding that mental and physical health are the most precious treasures, we can nurture every day. Let it remind you that each of us is unique, and true change begins when we start loving ourselves as we are—with all our imperfections, dreams, and desires.

Living with an eating disorder taught me that the strongest shackles are the ones we place on ourselves. Liberation from them requires time, but above all, a change in perspective. I had to learn that my worth is not determined by what I eat or how I look, but by who I am. Now, as I look into the future, I know that every experience, even the most painful one, brings a new lesson into my life. I have learned to be kinder to myself and understood that my health—both mental and physical—is my greatest responsibility.

Let this diary be a cautionary tale about the consequences of ignoring one's own needs and a sign that the help of professionals is invaluable. It speaks of the strength that arises in acceptance and of the importance of remembering: we are not our illnesses; we are people full of potential. It is never too late to start anew, to set aside unhealthy patterns, and to build a foundation for a better tomorrow.

Let my story be proof that each of us can find the way to health, balance, and happiness. Let it be an inspiration to not be afraid to seek help and to never stop believing in yourself. Thank you for accompanying me on these pages. Together, we can transform our experiences into strength and wisdom that will guide us through life.

I hope this book will be for you the same companion it was for me while writing it. May it bring solace, understanding, and above all—show that everyone is capable of weathering the storm and finding a safe harbor. If you are at the beginning of your journey, do not give up. Eating disorders may seem like a formidable opponent, but you have within your inexhaustible strength.

Every day is a chance for a small victory, a step toward a better life. I believe in you, just as I believed in myself, even when it was hardest. Let this diary be a testament to my journey and a hint for yours. Discover in it the motivation to fight for yourself and your health. Let every word written here remind you that every obstacle can become a part of your success.

Understand that in these difficult moments your strength and character are being forged. Believe that you can emerge from the shadow of eating disorders and find the light in a fully aware, healthy life. Let this diary be proof for you that even the longest journey begins with a single step. I want you to know that you are not alone in your struggles. On this page, at the end of this chapter, you will find the space to begin writing your story. A story that may start with words full of pain and despair but has the potential to transform into a tale of triumph and self-discovery.

Remember that every line you leave here is a brave step forward. Let this diary be a friend that patiently listens to every word, comforts you when needed, and reminds you of the strength that lies in your heart. Let these pages become witnesses to your growth, your personal victory over adversity. Every thought transferred to paper is a trace of your courage and perseverance. Let this diary become a map for your soul seeking the path to health and joy in life. Remember that every day brings a new hope. Every meal, every decision to accept yourself is a signpost pointing the way to a better future. Let this diary be a reminder for you that every action you take, no matter how small, matters.

And so, dear reader, let this story be for you not only a testimony of my life but also an invitation to create your own, full of self-acceptance and love for yourself. Let it be an encouragement to open to the help of others and to take the first steps toward change. Ending this story, I leave space and hope. Hope that you too will find the strength to face your challenges and discover the joy of life you wish for yourself.

I want to leave you with more than just memories and reflections. I want to leave you a promise—a promise that tomorrow can be better, that every new day is a chance for change, for healing, for a life full of understanding and love for oneself. This is not the end of the journey; it is only a fragment, a moment on the road that can be a turning point for you.

And right here, at this turning point, I would like to extend a hand to anyone who, struggling with their own demons, seeks the path to liberation. Here, in the last line of my diary, I would like to convey to you, dear reader, the essence of what this long and challenging journey has taught me.

Living with eating disorders is a constant battle, but also an unexpected school. It taught me that every moment of weakness can be the beginning of rebirth. That within each of us is the strength to oppose the darkness and find the light of hope. No matter how long and difficult the road may seem, there is a possibility for change and healing.

I want you to know that what you are feeling now is not the end. It is just a part of the process that can guide you toward a better life. I wish for you to find the courage within yourself to climb your own summit, step by step, no matter how many times you must rise after a fall. Every attempt, every stumble is a valuable lesson that brings you closer to understanding yourself and finding balance. Let these words be a reminder for you that the path to health is not only possible but also worth every effort. Do not lose faith in your abilities and do not give up, even when it seems hardest. Remember that the support of others can be crucial, and don’t be afraid to ask for it when you need it.

In this last note, I want to share with you the belief that each of us has within us an infinite potential for change, for growth, and for building a life that reflects our true selves. Your story may be full of bumpy roads and unexpected turns, but also triumphant discoveries that make it unique and invaluable.

Let every line in this diary remind you that every difficulty you overcome strengthens your character and teaches you valuable life wisdom. Let this diary be your guide when you feel lost or discouraged. Allow these words to be a reminder that you are not alone in your struggles, that every day brings a new chance for a better tomorrow, no matter the difficulties you encounter on your path.

In these last words, I want to encourage you to find joy in small things, to celebrate every success, no matter how small it may seem, and to remember that every step forward is significant. Let this diary be a testament to you that it is possible to emerge from the shadow of eating disorders and live life to the fullest, drawing the best from it. Ending this story is not the end; it is an invitation to become the author of your own life, with passion and determination to write the next chapters. Your experiences, both good and challenging, make up a unique story that deserves to be told. Thank you for being with me on these pages.

I hope that my story will be a source of inspiration and strength for you, a reminder that although the road may be bumpy, every step forward is a step toward health and happiness. Let this tale be a bridge to the future where you find your own rhythm, your harmony, and your path to self-realization. Remember that each day is a new opportunity to look at yourself with kindness, to forgive past mistakes, and to make decisions that lead to a better tomorrow.

Let this diary be a reminder for you that struggles with eating disorders are not just hard work but also a process of self-discovery and building a deeper relationship with oneself. Your journey can be an extraordinary story of breakthrough and liberation, full of lessons that help you grow and flourish. Let this diary be a sign for you that every change begins with a conscious choice, and every step, no matter how small, is important in the healing process. Let it also remind you that your life is full of endless possibilities and that you have the power to seize them.

Let these last pages become an invitation to an ongoing dialogue with yourself, to listen to what your body and mind must tell you. This journey taught me that every experience, good or bad, is a valuable part of our life story.

In these last words of my diary, I want to leave you with more than just memories and reflections. I want to leave you a promise—a promise that tomorrow can be better, that every new day is a chance for change, for healing, for a life full of understanding and love for oneself. This is not the end of the journey; it is only a fragment, a moment on the road that can be a turning point for you.

And right here, at this turning point, I would like to extend a hand to anyone who, struggling with their own demons, seeks the path to liberation. Here, in the last line of my diary, I would like to convey to you, dear reader, the essence of what this long and challenging journey has taught me.

Living with eating disorders is a constant battle, but also an unexpected school. It taught me that every moment of weakness can be the beginning of rebirth. That within each of us is the strength to oppose the darkness and find the light of hope. No matter how long and difficult the road may seem, there is a possibility for change and healing.

I want you to know that what you are feeling now is not the end. It is just a part of the process that can guide you toward a better life. I wish for you to find the courage within yourself to climb your own summit, step by step, no matter how many times you must rise after a fall. Every attempt, every stumble is a valuable lesson that brings you closer to understanding yourself and finding balance. Let these words be a reminder for you that the path to health is not only possible but also worth every effort. Do not lose faith in your abilities and do not give up, even when it seems hardest. Remember that the support of others can be crucial, and don’t be afraid to ask for it when you need it.

In this last note, I want to share with you the belief that each of us has within us an infinite potential for change, for growth, and for building a life that reflects our true selves. Your story may be full of bumpy roads and unexpected turns, but also triumphant discoveries that make it unique and invaluable.

Let every line in this diary remind you that every difficulty you overcome strengthens your character and teaches you valuable life wisdom. Let this diary be your guide when you feel lost or discouraged. Allow these words to be a reminder that you are not alone in your struggles, that every day brings a new chance for a better tomorrow, no matter the difficulties you encounter on your path.

In these last words, I want to encourage you to find joy in small things, to celebrate every success, no matter how small it may seem, and to remember that every step forward is significant. Let this diary be a testament to you that it is possible to emerge from the shadow of eating disorders and live life to the fullest, drawing the best from it. Ending this story is not the end; it is an invitation to become the author of your own life, with passion and determination to write the next chapters. Your experiences, both good and challenging, make up a unique story that deserves to be told. Thank you for being with me on these pages.

I hope that my story will be a source of inspiration and strength for you, a reminder that although the road may be bumpy, every step forward is a step toward health and happiness. Let this tale be a bridge to the future where you find your own rhythm, your harmony, and your path to self-realization. Remember that each day is a new opportunity to look at yourself with kindness, to forgive past mistakes, and to make decisions that lead to a better tomorrow.

Let this diary be a reminder for you that struggles with eating disorders are not just hard work but also a process of self-discovery and building a deeper relationship with oneself. Your journey can be an extraordinary story of breakthrough and liberation, full of lessons that help you grow and flourish. Let this diary be a sign for you that every change begins with a conscious choice, and every step, no matter how small, is important in the healing process. Let it also remind you that your life is full of endless possibilities and that you have the power to seize them.

Let these last pages become an invitation to an ongoing dialogue with yourself, to listen to what your body and mind must tell you. This journey taught me that every experience, good or bad, is a valuable part of our life story.