Mark Twain

The Man That Corrupted Hadleyburg and Other Stories

Warsaw 2019

Contents

THE MAN THAT CORRUPTED HADLEYBURG

MY FIRST LIE, AND HOW I GOT OUT OF IT

THE ESQUIMAUX MAIDEN'S ROMANCE

CHRISTIAN SCIENCE AND THE BOOK OF MRS. EDDY

IS HE LIVING OR IS HE DEAD?

MY DEBUT AS A LITERARY PERSON

AT THE APPETITE-CURE

CONCERNING THE JEWS

FROM THE 'LONDON TIMES' OF 1904

ABOUT PLAY-ACTING

TRAVELLING WITH A REFORMER

DIPLOMATIC PAY AND CLOTHES

LUCK

THE CAPTAIN'S STORY

STIRRING TIMES IN AUSTRIA

PRIVATE HISTORY OF THE 'JUMPING FROG' STORY

MY MILITARY CAMPAIGN

MEISTERSCHAFT

MY BOYHOOD DREAMS

TO THE ABOVE OLD PEOPLE

IN MEMORIAM

THE MAN THAT CORRUPTED HADLEYBURG

It was many years ago. Hadleyburg was the most honest and upright town in all the region round about. It had kept that reputation unsmirched during three generations, and was prouder of it than of any other of its possessions. It was so proud of it, and so anxious to insure its perpetuation, that it began to teach the principles of honest dealing to its babies in the cradle, and made the like teachings the staple of their culture thenceforward through all the years devoted to their education. Also, throughout the formative years temptations were kept out of the way of the young people, so that their honesty could have every chance to harden and solidify, and become a part of their very bone. The neighbouring towns were jealous of this honourable supremacy, and affected to sneer at Hadleyburg’s pride in it and call it vanity; but all the same they were obliged to acknowledge that Hadleyburg was in reality an incorruptible town; and if pressed they would also acknowledge that the mere fact that a young man hailed from Hadleyburg was all the recommendation he needed when he went forth from his natal town to seek for responsible employment.

But at last, in the drift of time, Hadleyburg had the ill luck to offend a passing stranger–possibly without knowing it, certainly without caring, for Hadleyburg was sufficient unto itself, and cared not a rap for strangers or their opinions. Still, it would have been well to make an exception in this one’s case, for he was a bitter man, and revengeful. All through his wanderings during a whole year he kept his injury in mind, and gave all his leisure moments to trying to invent a compensating satisfaction for it. He contrived many plans, and all of them were good, but none of them was quite sweeping enough: the poorest of them would hurt a great many individuals, but what he wanted was a plan which would comprehend the entire town, and not let so much as one person escape unhurt. At last he had a fortunate idea, and when it fell into his brain it lit up his whole head with an evil joy. He began to form a plan at once, saying to himself “That is the thing to do–I will corrupt the town.”

Six months later he went to Hadleyburg, and arrived in a buggy at the house of the old cashier of the bank about ten at night. He got a sack out of the buggy, shouldered it, and staggered with it through the cottage yard, and knocked at the door. A woman’s voice said “Come in,” and he entered, and set his sack behind the stove in the parlour, saying politely to the old lady who sat reading the “Missionary Herald” by the lamp:

“Pray keep your seat, madam, I will not disturb you. There–now it is pretty well concealed; one would hardly know it was there. Can I see your husband a moment, madam?”

No, he was gone to Brixton, and might not return before morning.

“Very well, madam, it is no matter. I merely wanted to leave that sack in his care, to be delivered to the rightful owner when he shall be found. I am a stranger; he does not know me; I am merely passing through the town to-night to discharge a matter which has been long in my mind. My errand is now completed, and I go pleased and a little proud, and you will never see me again. There is a paper attached to the sack which will explain everything. Good-night, madam.”

The old lady was afraid of the mysterious big stranger, and was glad to see him go. But her curiosity was roused, and she went straight to the sack and brought away the paper. It began as follows:

“TO BE PUBLISHED, or, the right man sought out by private inquiry–
either will answer. This sack contains gold coin weighing a hundred
and sixty pounds four ounces–”

“Mercy on us, and the door not locked!”

Mrs. Richards flew to it all in a tremble and locked it, then pulled down the window-shades and stood frightened, worried, and wondering if there was anything else she could do toward making herself and the money more safe. She listened awhile for burglars, then surrendered to curiosity, and went back to the lamp and finished reading the paper:

“I am a foreigner, and am presently going back to my own country, to
remain there permanently. I am grateful to America for what I have
received at her hands during my long stay under her flag; and to one of
her citizens–a citizen of Hadleyburg–I am especially grateful for a
great kindness done me a year or two ago. Two great kindnesses in fact.
I will explain. I was a gambler. I say I WAS. I was a ruined gambler.
I arrived in this village at night, hungry and without a penny. I asked
for help–in the dark; I was ashamed to beg in the light. I begged of
the right man. He gave me twenty dollars–that is to say, he gave me
life, as I considered it. He also gave me fortune; for out of that money
I have made myself rich at the gaming-table. And finally, a remark
which he made to me has remained with me to this day, and has at last
conquered me; and in conquering has saved the remnant of my morals: I
shall gamble no more. Now I have no idea who that man was, but I want
him found, and I want him to have this money, to give away, throw away,
or keep, as he pleases. It is merely my way of testifying my gratitude
to him. If I could stay, I would find him myself; but no matter, he will
be found. This is an honest town, an incorruptible town, and I know
I can trust it without fear. This man can be identified by the remark
which he made to me; I feel persuaded that he will remember it.

“And now my plan is this: If you prefer to conduct the inquiry
privately, do so. Tell the contents of this present writing to any one
who is likely to be the right man. If he shall answer, ‘I am the man;
the remark I made was so-and-so,’ apply the test–to wit: open the
sack, and in it you will find a sealed envelope containing that remark.
If the remark mentioned by the candidate tallies with it, give him the
money, and ask no further questions, for he is certainly the right man.

“But if you shall prefer a public inquiry, then publish this present
writing in the local paper–with these instructions added, to wit:
Thirty days from now, let the candidate appear at the town-hall at eight
in the evening (Friday), and hand his remark, in a sealed envelope, to
the Rev. Mr. Burgess (if he will be kind enough to act); and let Mr.
Burgess there and then destroy the seals of the sack, open it, and see
if the remark is correct: if correct, let the money be delivered, with
my sincere gratitude, to my benefactor thus identified.”

Mrs. Richards sat down, gently quivering with excitement, and was soon lost in thinkings–after this pattern: “What a strange thing it is!... And what a fortune for that kind man who set his bread afloat upon the waters!... If it had only been my husband that did it!–for we are so poor, so old and poor!...” Then, with a sigh–“But it was not my Edward; no, it was not he that gave a stranger twenty dollars. It is a pity too; I see it now...” Then, with a shudder–“But it is GAMBLERS’ money! the wages of sin; we couldn’t take it; we couldn’t touch it. I don’t like to be near it; it seems a defilement.” She moved to a farther chair... “I wish Edward would come, and take it to the bank; a burglar might come at any moment; it is dreadful to be here all alone with it.”

At eleven Mr. Richards arrived, and while his wife was saying “I am SO glad you’ve come!” he was saying, “I am so tired–tired clear out; it is dreadful to be poor, and have to make these dismal journeys at my time of life. Always at the grind, grind, grind, on a salary–another man’s slave, and he sitting at home in his slippers, rich and comfortable.”

“I am so sorry for you, Edward, you know that; but be comforted; we have our livelihood; we have our good name–”

“Yes, Mary, and that is everything. Don’t mind my talk–it’s just a moment’s irritation and doesn’t mean anything. Kiss me–there, it’s all gone now, and I am not complaining any more. What have you been getting? What’s in the sack?”

Then his wife told him the great secret. It dazed him for a moment; then he said:

“It weighs a hundred and sixty pounds? Why, Mary, it’s for-ty thousand dollars–think of it–a whole fortune! Not ten men in this village are worth that much. Give me the paper.”

He skimmed through it and said:

“Isn’t it an adventure! Why, it’s a romance; it’s like the impossible things one reads about in books, and never sees in life.” He was well stirred up now; cheerful, even gleeful. He tapped his old wife on the cheek, and said humorously, “Why, we’re rich, Mary, rich; all we’ve got to do is to bury the money and burn the papers. If the gambler ever comes to inquire, we’ll merely look coldly upon him and say: ‘What is this nonsense you are talking? We have never heard of you and your sack of gold before;’ and then he would look foolish, and–”

“And in the meantime, while you are running on with your jokes, the money is still here, and it is fast getting along toward burglar-time.”

“True. Very well, what shall we do–make the inquiry private? No, not that; it would spoil the romance. The public method is better. Think what a noise it will make! And it will make all the other towns jealous; for no stranger would trust such a thing to any town but Hadleyburg, and they know it. It’s a great card for us. I must get to the printing-office now, or I shall be too late.”

“But stop–stop–don’t leave me here alone with it, Edward!”

But he was gone. For only a little while, however. Not far from his own house he met the editor–proprietor of the paper, and gave him the document, and said “Here is a good thing for you, Cox–put it in.”

“It may be too late, Mr. Richards, but I’ll see.”

At home again, he and his wife sat down to talk the charming mystery over; they were in no condition for sleep. The first question was, Who could the citizen have been who gave the stranger the twenty dollars? It seemed a simple one; both answered it in the same breath–

“Barclay Goodson.”

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