Oliver Mens

Quick sex tips for men

Proofreader moonhare02

Cover designer Oliver Mens

Illustrator Oliver Mens

© Oliver Mens, 2024

© Oliver Mens, cover design, 2024

© Oliver Mens, illustrations, 2024

This book was written with practicality and effectiveness in mind. It will let you discover:

— how to make your penis longer (naturally and long-term!)

— how to master the art of sex

— the most common sexual problems and how to solve them

— how to give her an orgasm

— how to last longer during sex

— what the postage stamp test is all about

— simple and short tips on not only sex, but also communication and sexual health, and much more!

The book is intended for adult audience!

ISBN 978-83-8384-367-4

Created with Ridero smart publishing system

QUICK SEX TIPS FOR MEN — INTRODUCTION

Time is one of the few things that you cannot buy, so I will be quick. This book aims to be as short and concise as possible, just like thick tomato sauce.

For people who, due to different reasons, don’t have time to read the entire book, there are marked fragments in it. Those fragments provide the minimal extent of knowledge about sex. However, I encourage you to read the whole thing, so that you will have a full picture of information about sex.

To be able to make love in a satisfactory way, you need not just some technical skills, but also a bit of knowledge of biology and psychology.

I am only familiar with heterosexual lovemaking (male-female), so I will be focusing solely on this specific aspect of sex life. Sex of different sexual orientations would make up an entire separate book.

I will be focusing on what I have learned in practice, but also on feedback that I have received from both sexes. I will also present a number of scientific facts — consider it a little treat.

I hope that the content included in this book will help make your sex life more satisfying.

This book is separated into 3 chapters. The first part’s focus is strictly on sex life, the second chapter focuses on health, and the third and last chapter will contain some basic information about communication.

To make all this info easier to take in, some topics will be described with simple words, while others will only be mentioned. You can take care of some of the aspects described in this book by yourself, while others require speaking with an expert. Every person is a completely separate case that should be treated individually, which is why in some parts of this book I will advise you to reach out to an expert who will study your case and provide proper help.

Some of the issues raised here may be controversial or unacceptable to some people due to faith or a particular worldview, so take only what you feel is right for you and follow the principles that are important in your own life. I believe that you’re the kind of person that can make the right decisions when it comes to your own life, dear reader. So, let’s break this topic down into smaller parts.

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SEX

Starter Pack

Let us start with the basics, so we can go into details later.

What is necessary for sex with a woman, as a heterosexual man?

1) You + a female partner. (_____)

2) Both of you are considered legally allowed to make consensual love. (_____)

3) Both of you are consenting to the lovemaking — agreeing out of your own will and without being threatened or coerced in any way — and both of you are aware of the consequences of having sex. (_____)

4) Both of you feel safe with each other and you both make sure that neither one of you is hurt during the act. If this point isn’t met, try asking the other person (as well as yourself!) what needs to be done in order for the both of you to feel safe. (_____)

5) You’re both aware of each other’s current health condition. Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) still exist and are not going to disappear anytime soon. Trust me, you don’t want to catch any of those, not to mention any other illnesses that might be transmitted to you from your sexual partner. (_____)

Draw a check mark ✓ in each box where you’ve answered the question with a YES.

Even if just one point isn’t met, start over from number 1 with a different woman.

If you’ve checked everything off, let’s proceed to the next part.

ANATOMY

It would be useful to know what it’s like “down there” if you want to have sex with her, so let’s take a look at the images of female external intimate parts below:ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Clitoris — it is, among other things, a part of the body that brings pleasure to a woman if properly stimulated. The clitoris can have a pseudo-hood over it.

Urethra opening — this is from where a woman urinates and where you DON’T insert your penis.

Vaginal opening — this is where various fluids come out from, such as blood during periods, or, during natural childbirth, a baby. This is where you insert your penis to initiate vaginal intercourse.

Anus — this is where poop usually comes out from. It can also be used to perform anal intercourse.

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There are also labia majora and minora, which surround the rest of the vaginal parts described above. They can also be caressed during intercourse. The appearance of the labia varies. Some women have smaller labias and some women have bigger labias. It’s natural and there is no reason to get offended by that.

It is normal to grow hair in “those” areas, though shaving or not shaving it is an individual matter. The most important thing is to maintain good personal hygiene.

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As for the clitoris, notice that it’s not just a small “dot”. When aroused, corpus cavernosum fills with blood, and so does the whole area around it. In simple terms, it works similar to an erection. So, while you partake in bodily pleasures, don’t just focus on this one spot, but rather on the whole thing![1]

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ㅤWHAT ARE THE PHASES OF SEX?

In short, what does sex look like from a biological perspective?

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According to Masters & Johnsons research, there’s the following phases:

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— arousal phase — as a result of erotic stimuli, sexual arousal occurs. Blood pulses faster and flows into the penis and the clitoris.

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— plateau — during this phase, the woman’s breathing becomes quicker and she gets „wet” (vaginal lubrication occurs), while for men preejaculate comes out of the penis (sperm may already be present in preejaculate — and this sperm, when combined with an egg cell, can result in pregnancy). These fluids are supposed to make penetration pleasurable and ensure that there is no chafing, biologically speaking.

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— climax — it occurs with rhythmic, pleasant contractions in the woman’s intimate organs, while for men it means ejaculation. The brain „explodes” due to tons and tons of produced hormones.

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— relaxation — the body returns to the state from before the excitement. The person feels relaxed and „unloaded”. A woman may be able to have multiple orgasms, while men (depending on age and health state) might not be able to achieve another orgasm for some time.[2]

STDs AND MORE

During sex there is a possibility of acquiring unpleasant „ailments”. Some of these infections are asymptomatic (show no symptoms), so it is good to examine yourself regularly, since undetected and untreated STDs can lead to serious health problems and can even cause death.

As a preventative measure, you can get tested annually, but if you have had contact with a large number of female partners in a short period of time, then you should get tested every 3 months or even more often.

In general, any exchange of bodily fluids — blood, lubrication, sperm, basically anything — from any „hole” in your body with another body, or vice versa, can lead to infection.

If she refuses to let you use protection and/or show current medical records, then remember, your health is more important than sex. If she asks why you want to see her medical records, you can say that it’s to protect your own health, as there are things that aren’t visible at first glance (or, in other words, invisible to the naked eye, if you’ll excuse my pun).

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Depending on where you live, both of you can take a quick test at a special facility that will show if you are infected with something right away.

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A brief moment of pleasure is not worth potentially exposing yourself to many years of treatment of very unpleasant symptoms, as some of these diseases are incurable — not to mention the sheer cost of such treatment.

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To keep the form of this text concise, I’ll just give you a list of example diseases that (believe me!) you don’t want to catch. If you’re curious about any of the diseases, you are encouraged to do some research on them on your own.

WARNING!

Remember, not every person cares about your well-being. They will put their sexual satisfaction first, and the fact that they will infect you with something will not matter to them, so you need to take care of yourself first and foremost.

Here are some examples of STDs you may catch:

— HIV

— Chlamydia

— Syphilis

— Herpes

— Gonorrhea

— HPV and genital warts

— Hepatitis B and C

— Pubic lice

— Scabies

— Trichomoniasis

— Molluscum Contagiosum

— Pinworm

— Urethritis

— Chancroid

If you find out that you have an STD or any other condition that could be transmitted, tell your sexual partner about it. If it were you, you would want to know, wouldn’t you?

So, if you notice any of the following symptoms in yourself or in a partner:

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— urethral/vaginal discharge of pus or similar type of fluid,

— testicular pain,

— itching,

— ulcers in the genital area,

— genital pain, burning, itching, swelling, redness, or discomfort while peeing or having sex,

— discomfort in the abdominal area,

— a constant urge to pee,

— blood in urine (unless you have eaten red beetroot or other food that day that may turn your urine red — BUT if it lasts for more than a few days, seek help!),

— rashes all over the body,

— typical flu symptoms (because some illnesses begin with flu-like symptoms),

— any symptoms that may worry you for any reason,

— in women, pay particular attention to whether she bleeds between periods or whether her vagina has a strange odour and there’s vaginal discharge after sex. Look out for a fishy or yeasty smell.

If you notice any of these symptoms, set a doctor’s appointment immediately or tell the woman to do so, as she may have contracted some kind of infection.

If the tests show that you’ve caught an STD, but you don’t want to accept it so you deny it instead, the problem will not magically disappear. It’s the same with other things. Face the facts and act rationally and accordingly.

BONUS: It is good to know that there are such doctors as andrologists, urologists or sexologists who work within men’s sexual zone. The counterpart for women are gynecologists.

ABOUT CONTRACEPTION IN GENERAL

Let’s be honest. Nature created sex for people to reproduce and thus allowed humanity to exist. People like things that give them pleasure, which is why nature made sex pleasurable — so that we willingly go back to this activity. A big move on mother nature’s side.

Remember that having sex statistically always carries risk, to a greater or lesser extent, of getting pregnant. At the moment that this book is being written, there is no contraception that can assure 100% safety from impregnation. You have to accept this fact.

Of course, there is no risk of pregnancy in same-sex relationships.

I’m assuming that you know how the menstrual cycle works in women, so you know well that fertilization can only occur when an egg cell is freed before menstruation and connects with a sperm. Otherwise, there will be no pregnancy. However, a sperm can survive in a woman’s birth canal for a few days, so even if the egg is freed later, the sperm might still survive up to that point.

Some women have irregular periods, so keep that in mind if you want to avoid pregnancy.

Having anal sex doesn’t lead to pregnancy, but there is still a chance of fertilization and pregnancy if sperm gets to the vagina from the butt.

If you are not prepared for having a kid and/or if you want to avoid catching STDs, then both of you should be responsible in taking steps towards proper protection.

Please consult the kind of protection that you would be using with your partner BEFORE YOU HAVE SEX. Read about the different contraception methods that are available, consult which ones to use, and if you have any doubts — go to a doctor that will help pick the best methods for you.

Make sure to also prepare any emergency contraception (if such is legal in the country of your residence and if you want to use it), so that you will know what to do and where to go during a “crisis”, instead of panicking and looking for that on the spot. Remember, both of you are responsible. You should be aware of how the morning-after pill works and of the consequences of using it.

If you are not in a monogamous relationship, there is always a possibility that you might catch an STD. Therefore, you should always use protection, as you might get infected during all kinds of sex — anal, vaginal, oral etc.

There are a lot of contraception methods, starting with condoms dedicated for both men and for women, pills, patches, jabs, vaginal rings or even implants. If you have considered using any of the above-mentioned methods, please consult it with a doctor first.

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Important: intermittent intercourse can never be used as an effective contraception method — there is a biological phenomenon called pre-ejaculate, which is a fluid that comes out of the body right before ejaculation. Pre-ejaculate fluid contains sperm, which creates a possibility of impregnation, not to mention negatively affecting one’s mental state. It makes you scared of whether you will “pull out” on time, since you want to ensure the safety of your female partner, all while keeping your erection up. This will end up both ruining the mood and your erection.[3]

If you are embarrassed of purchasing condoms or any other contraception method, then you are probably not ready to be having sex.

Only buy contraception from verified sources.

COMMUNICATION AND DISCUSSIONS REGARDING SEX

Sex is not only a physical activity, but also communication. Before having sex, make sure to establish that both of you have a right to stop the intercourse at any moment and the other party has to fully respect your decision. It is always a good idea to choose “safe words” that you would use in case any of you would want to stop at a given moment. I personally recommend using a word that is not associated with sex. If you cannot come up with one, you can say something like “cheese”.

Before having sex, it is also important to let each other know what you like and what you dislike, as well as how far you can go, so that you can avoid constantly asking those questions during intercourse. Asking questions non-stop might ruin the mood, but if you have any doubts, make sure to ask anyway. I’m sure she’ll appreciate the fact that you care about her.

To have a satisfying sex life, both parties have to take care of each other’s mental comfort.

Be direct. How is your partner supposed to know your thoughts?

Just because something excites you, it doesn’t mean that the other person feels the same way.

Tell your partner not to fake her reactions or her orgasm, as this would lead to you thinking that something is making her aroused, while in fact she doesn’t like a certain action at all. As a result, you will continue doing it, while she will start feeling more and more discouraged to participate in sexual intercourse since it would not be satisfying to her.

Never force your partner to perform any sexual acts, especially since it can be illegal — but either way, it’s just not okay to do. Example? By forcing your partner to perform oral sex, she will be doing it out of compulsion, which then may discourage her from further engaging in sex with you, to the point she will not want to have sex with you at all anymore.

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She doesn’t want to have sex? She might be tired, sick, stressed, sleepy, or have other reasons. Show her patience, tenderness, have a sincere conversation. When she can’t/won’t do it, don’t be offended and don’t turn your back on her, as from her perspective it may look like you only want one thing. That will cause her to lose motivation to have sex with you. Another reason may be that you stopped caring about her, or stopped taking care of yourself, or that she has someone else.

When she’s a little tired, give her a massage and hug her, she may just get back into the mood. If not, you can always try next time. Remember, she’s only human, just like you. She will also have her better and worse days.

SEX FROM A BIOLOGICAL PERSPECTIVE

Let us continue with data regarding the human body.

According to one of the studies, the average sexual intercourse lasts about 5,4 minutes.[4]

The average size of an erect penis is around 13,12cm (or 5,17 inches). Surprised? A lot of men think that their penis is small, while it’s actually perfectly average.[5]

If your penis is curved in some way, don’t worry — as long as it functions properly, it’s okay. If it doesn’t, go to a doctor.

When you’re getting close to orgasm, you will reach a point where it’s physically impossible to stop yourself from ejaculation.

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It’s not length but girth and technique that are important. Your woman will not scream out of pleasure just because you went inside her. If women were to choose between length and girth, they would always go for the latter. A thick penis can stimulate the entrance to the cervix much better, causing more pleasurable sexual sensations.

The size of your penis is inherited.

Sperm can survive inside a woman for up to 5 days. Outside, they die nearly immediately.[6]

It is physical health and age that affect how far and fast semen is ejaculated.

The average ejaculation amount is equal to a teaspoon.

Vagina, on the other hand, is usually about 8 cm (3,14 inches) in size. During sexual intercourse and when getting aroused, it extends itself further.[7]

Women can experience orgasm multiple times.

Before and during her period, a woman may experience a lot of pain. At that time, her emotional state may also change due to hormones. If you care about her, ask her how you can help her, how to help alleviate the pain. Bring her her favourite food, snacks, anything that will help improve her mood.

ㅤThere is such a phenomenon that’s called “arousal non-concordance”. It refers to both men and women. Despite being sexually aroused, your body doesn’t follow and you don’t have an erection or a woman doesn’t create lubrication.

For men the genital reaction is 50% in tune with the actual felt arousal, while for women it’s only 10% in tune. It is common and completely natural. A genital reaction is only a conditioned reflex.

The following are “signs” that indicate a woman is “ready”:

— She will directly tell you what she wants and feels. Encourage her so that she will feel comfortable sharing it with you. If she doesn’t feel comfortable saying it directly, agree on some kind of signal — she can for example start playing with her hair.

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— Her pulse rate and breathing increase. When she’s very stimulated, she will start holding her breath.

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— Bending. Specifically abdominal, trunk, as well as calf muscles. together with her wrists.

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— If you don’t want your partner to feel sore after intercourse, but you decide to have sex with her for longer than 10—15 minutes, make sure to use lube, as her natural lubrication may dry up after that time. She will not be aware of it during sex due to being stimulated and aroused. Only after sexual intercourse will she start feeling the pain.[8]

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It is worth noting that the feeling of arousal and climaxing both originate from your brain.

If you decide to have sex after a huge meal, your body will be focusing on digesting the food that you have eaten, therefore leaving you with not enough strength to “get into action”.

When you become aroused, your testicles will rise up, but when you go back to being relaxed, they will be hanging low. There is an exception, though — when you are erect but your testicles hang low, this could be a forced erection, not connected to arousal. It may happen if the glans of the penis is irritated. It usually happens to younger men.

One of your testicles will always be smaller and hang lower than the other one due to evolutionary changes that ensured that they will not rub against each other, creating discomfort.

SEX — GENERAL BUT USEFUL INFORMATION

Both parties should be responsible for taking care of the other person’s pleasure, a seemingly “trivial” matter, but one we often forget about.

Remember, there will be no ‘fireworks’ during your first time. Learning to have sex is a process, a bit like a progress bar in a game. The more experience you have, the more confident you will feel doing it. Focus on good quality sex, not on quantity.

Make sure you do it in a place where no one will disturb you and that you have enough time. Stressful and hectic sex is unhealthy.

If you want to have a satisfying sex life, follow the principle of ‘her orgasm first, then yours’. You yourself know best how you feel after an orgasm, i.e. tired.

After all, a woman can also have an orgasm first, e.g. oral, but then continue with a vaginal one. Nothing prevents you from helping her achieve that.

Listen to the woman during sex. If she says it feels good or that it doesn’t, follow her advice (as long as it doesn’t endanger anyone, of course).

Ensure that her feet are not cold (e.g. put socks on them), so that it is easier for her to reach orgasm.

When she’s the first one to orgasm, NEVER EVER react with “well, I had to make you cum first because it’s more practical this way, now we can finally get to me”.

Don’t ask her if she had an orgasm.

Accept her orgasm, no matter what it is.

[1] Fritsch, H., Kühnel, W., Color Atlas of Human Anatomy: Internal Organs, 7th ed., Thieme, 2023, p. 467.

[2] W. H. Masters, V. E. Johnson, Human Sexual Response, Little, Brown and Company, Boston 1966, p. 4.

[3] S. R. Killick, C. Leary, J. Trussell, K. A. Guthrie, „Sperm content of pre-ejaculatory fluid”, Human Fertility, 14(1), 2010, p. 48.

[4] M. D. Waldinger, P. Quinn, M. Dilleen, R. Mundayat, D. H. Schweitzer, M. Boolell, „Ejaculation Disorders: A Multinational Population Survey of Intravaginal Ejaculation Latency Time”, The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 2(4), 2005, p. 492.

[5] D. Veale, S. Miles, S. Bramley, G. Muir, J. Hodsoll, „Am I normal? A systematic review and construction of nomograms for flaccid and erect penis length and circumference in up to 15,521 men”, BJU International, 115(6), 2015, p. 978.

[6] T. Jewell, 12 Widely Believed Sperm „Facts” That Are Actually False, https://www.healthline.com/health/mens-health/sperm-myth-and-facts#lifespan, [accessed 6 January 2024].

[7] R. W. Schafermeyer, M. Tenenbein, C. G. Macias, G. Sharieff, L. Yamamoto, Strange and Schafermeyer’s Pediatric Emergency Medicine, Fourth Edition, McGraw Hill Professional, 2014, p. 567.

[8] Nagoski, E., Ona ma siłę. Zaskakujący poradnik seksualności kobiet, Grupa Wydawnicza Foksal, Warsaw 2015, pp. 203–231.

[9] M. Grudzińska, Condom Sizes [Table]: How to Choose the Right One for Your Penis?, https://portal.abczdrowie.pl/rozmiary-prezerwatyw-jakie-sa-i-jak-je-dobierac, [accessed 30 July 2024].

[10] D. Jacob, Are There Condoms for Small Sizes? Size Chart, https://www.medicinenet.com/are_there_condoms_for_small_sizes/article.htm, [accessed 30 July 2024].

[1] V. Wittkamp, Jego wysokość penis (original title: Fit im Schritt: Wissenswertes vom Urologen), Feeria, Warsaw 2017, pp. 147–150

[1] T. Hertoghe, Testosterone Deficiency in Men over Ages 25 to 30: Its High Frequency, Adverse Effects, Diagnosis, and Treatment, https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/testosterone-defciency-men-over-ages-25-30-its-high-hertoghe-md, [accessed 30 July 2024].

[2] F. Montorsi, A. Briganti, A. Salonia, P. Rigatti, A. Margonato, A. Macchi, S. Gallic, P.M. Ravagnani, P. Montorsi, „Erectile Dysfunction Prevalence, Time of Onset and Association with Risk Factors in 300 Consecutive Patients with Acute Chest Pain and Angiographically Documented Coronary Artery Disease”, European Urology, 44(3), 2003, pp. 360–365.

[3] S. J. Berry, D. S. Coffey, P. C. Walsh, L. L. Ewing, „The Development of Human Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia with Age”, The Journal of Urology, 132(3), 1984, p. 474.

[4] K. Walaszek, B. Tomala, I. Kowalska, A. Rej-Kietla, „Andropause, the Process of Aging and the Quality of Life in Men after 50 Years of Life”, Forum Medycyny Rodzinnej, vol. 11, no. 5, 2017, pp. 209–214.

[5] M. Niedźwiecka, H. Rydlewska, Slow Sex: Uwolnij miłość, Agora, Warsaw 2021, pp. 19, 50.

[1] Goleman, D., Inteligencja emocjonalna, Poznań, Warsaw 1997, p. 130.

[2] Goleman, D., Inteligencja emocjonalna, Media Rodzina, Warsaw 1997, p. 132

[3] Rosenberg, M. B., Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Create Your Life, 2nd ed., PuddleDancer Press, 2005, p. 6.

[4] Chotpitayasunondh, V., Douglas, K. M., „The Effects of »Phubbing« on Social Interaction”, Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 48(6), 2018, p. 304.

[5] Przybylski, A. K., Murayama, K., DeHaan, C. R., & Gladwell, V., „Motivational, Emotional, and Behavioral Correlates of Fear of Missing Out”, Computers in Human Behavior, 29(4), 2013, p. 1841.

[6] Gottman, J. M., Coan, J., Carrere, S., & Swanson, C., „Predicting Marital Happiness and Stability from Newlywed Interactions”, Journal of Marriage and the Family, 60(1), 1998, p. 9.

[7] Nguyen, J., What Are The 5 Love Languages? Everything You Need To Know, https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/the-5-love-languages-explained, [accessed 30 July 2024].

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